you taught me that if I drive a super cool car fast enough
in a shopping mall parking lot I'll disappear to a better place, back to the future
where I can fix everything.
Ready set go up and away
42 mph 64 mph
but wait, I—I need a flux capacitor—
80 mph 88 mph
and I don't have one
speeding up still moving too fast and
there's no emergency brake
but I still reach for it reach for it reach
Thanks Michael Myers
you taught me that
someone is always chasing me, trying to get get get
and not just on Halloween
Thanks Steve Urkel
you taught me that in order to feel loved
you can't be your nerdy annoying high-strung skinny afraid suspendery self
you have to uplevel be a whole other kind of cool
and also change your name
to sound all foreign and shit
Thanks Tom Hanks
for telling me ! there's no crying in baseball !
but you see for me—back then, baseball was life
so clearly I rightly assumed
! there's no crying in life !
Thank you, Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet
for teaching me how to kiss
on the bow of the most important ship of all time
thereby rendering his tonguey, grasping attempts
in the backyard swatting mosquitos and beetles
or in the parking lot behind the diner barefoot
or on the cold, rumpled bed (wait, was this no, it couldn't have been—)
Thank you, all.
Thank you for being there.